I Learned to Swear

I learned to swear
twenty minutes before my first child was born.
Since then, it's been a handy habit
to have around, and I expect God
to turn his head. After all,
he owes me one. It's a trick
to make babies look so good.

The truth is they leak.
And of all horrors, they grow.

They only speak whine;
they cry and complain and wipe snot
on their sleeves. They spill dinner.
They stir pasta into their milk cups
and squish spinach between their teeth.
They eat crayons and toothpaste.

They call constantly. They call
constantly. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mo-om.

They inhale money, bang down stairs,
and store dirty socks and sandwich crusts
like hidden treasures in their closets.
They lipstick walls; they swallow marbles.
They break things.

Yet, God (no doubt in his wisdom) has ordained
that these crude creatures
should sleep incognito:
gentle
quiet
warm.

I am fooled easily.

Each night as I tuck covers around them
and bend to kiss their sweet, sleepy faces,
I don't care that they used
all the silverware in the garden.

Let's fill the house with angels,
I whisper to my husband
as I slip between the sheets.

- Pam Vap

Age as Genre?

This arrogant article about how normal adults shouldn't read fiction marketed to Young Adults won't do anything combat the impression that the New York Times is elitist:

Books are one of our few chances to learn. There’s a reason my teachers didn’t assign me to go home and play three hours of Donkey Kong. I have no idea what “The Hunger Games” is like. Maybe there are complicated shades of good and evil in each character. Maybe there are Pynchonesque turns of phrase. Maybe it delves into issues of identity, self-justification and anomie that would make David Foster Wallace proud. I don’t know because it’s a book for kids. I’ll read “The Hunger Games” when I finish the previous 3,000 years of fiction written for adults.

This is the worst kind of lazy thinking. Note how he admits that he doesn't know what he's bashing, only that because it's labeled as "Young Adult" it's not worthwhile to him. This really raises my hackle. First of all, it's the worst kind of literary snobbery. Has Mr. Stein even asked himself who labels a book as YA or not? I certainly don't want anyone making these decisions for me. For example, knowing the kinds of excellent fiction that are disparaged as "science fiction" when one could make a very strong argument that they should be marketed as "regular" fiction (Stephenson and Gibson, to name just two), makes me wary of trusting any booksellers to label what i'm reading. Secondly, it's a bit stunning to think of the excellent books that he'll miss under this line of thinking: off the top of my head, he's miss out on The Chocolate War and The Catcher in the Rye along with countless others.

Personally, I enjoy ripping through a YA novel now and again. I recently ripped through L'Engle's Wrinkle in Time in a few days and found it highly enjoyable, both as a good story and also as a fun nostalgia trip back to the kid I was when I first read it. I also continually get meaning out of Juster's The Phantom Tollbooth when I pick it up every few years or so. It's good to look through the eyes of a kid now and again!

For a better argument against Mr. Stein's writing, see Alyssa's good breakdown. What are your thoughts? Do you avoid YA books, find them a "guilty pleasure," or actively seek them out?

We're In Trouble!

Little Trey just started crawling. He immediately went over to a game that Hunter was playing and wrecked havoc. The next few months are going to be an adventure!

Modern Lullabies

When i'm trying to sooth Trey - usually at night when it's bedtime - I've been a bit suprised at the songs that jump into my head to sing.
Trey's default song appears to be The Who's "Endless Wire" off of their 2006 Endless Wire album. It's a catchy song, but not one that I ever thought that i'd be singing to an infant.
However, at least that song's soothing. Hunter's default song was Warren Zevon's "Turbulence" whose first verse runs:

Well you can talk about your perestroika
And that's all right for you
But, Comrade Schevardnadze, tell me
What's a poor boy like me to do?

Turmoil back in Moscow brought this turbulence down on me...

Bonus fact: "Turbulence" was the song that finally taught me the proper way to pronounce "Vladivostok" and "mujaheddin".

Is It Necessary?

In the midst of an interesting discussion about the role of fear - and spanking - in good parenting, TNC uses a great phrase: "Earning the Temporary Hatred Of Your Children". Alas, I fear that something like this is in my future, if not anytime soon.

Children's Books

One of the great things about having a kid is revisiting kids books. While some are sentimental and inane, most are full of wonder and fun. Reading Dr. Seuss with Hunter - esp. my favorite I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew - has been extremely fun for both of us. Even young adult literature has been very entertaining lately. The Harry Potter books were supurb, and even Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games was a very entertaining read (despite a disappointing ending).

N.D. Wilson writes about his experience as a young adult writer:

When I write for kids, I try to embrace the wildness of the world. I have no desire to trick children into false security. My characters almost always begin a story afraid. ...
Enough posing. I'm childish. I like books for kids. I like reading good ones. I like trying to write good ones. I like readers that still have some elasticity to their imaginations.

Library Lead

If this is true:

After [February 10], all products for children under 12 — books, games, toys, sports equipment, furniture, clothes, DVDs, etc — must be tested for lead, and fall below a new 600 part-per-million limit, or face the landfill. Thanks to a September 12 memo from the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), the lead limit applies not only to new products, but also to inventory already on store shelves.

It's a perfect example of the unintended consequences of good intentions. As the article states, it's bad enough that this rule will apply to existing products, but since

The CPSC has not issued any ruling on whether libraries, schools, and other institutions that loan — rather than sell — books will be subject to the law. Without such clear guidance, says Adler, schools and libraries should assume they have to comply.

There's simply no way cash-strapped libraries will be able to comply with this, and thus would have to be forced to shut down their lending for under-12s. I can't imagine how this won't prompt such an outcry that the rule won't be changed, but for now, keep your eyes open.

UPDATE 2/3: Looks like the regulations were delayed a year.